An iceberg has many sides and depths that the eye doesn't see. What about your life? Do you feel compelled to share every detail? Is every part of your life clearly seen? Nope. Not at all.
The same can be said about adoption.
From as early as I can remember, I've known that I was adopted. My parents chose to tell me that I was chosen from the very beginning, and for that, I am forever grateful. I have 2 friends who didn't find out that they were adopted until their late teens for one, and early adulthood for the other...
My earliest memory of talking openly about my adoption with my parents was a super special memory for me. My dad took me to a local mall for an adoption event. Not a pet adoption, or a kid adoption....but a stuffed animal adoption. I adopted a stuffed gorilla named JJ. That thing meant the world to me. JJ helped me with a lot. He helped me understand adoption, and he even helped my parents potty train me. JJ apparently poops tootsie rolls, and I wanted to do it too... Ha!
Let's talk about the absolutely beautiful side of adoption.
I was born on a living room floor, and went from hospital to foster system. Since then, I've seen the inside of the foster system. It's messed up. But in my case, it saved me. David & Rosie Barrera chose to take in countless children. They loved and cared for children like me, until we were chosen by a forever family. 3 months later, my parents Chris & Judy and my new big brother came along. Child birth was extremely difficult for my mom with her first born, but they still had the desire for another child. A selfless act of giving me up for adoption made my parents dreams come true. Grateful doesn't even come close to my feelings about it. I was wanted, dreamed of, sought after, and a family was praying for me. I was given a chance, a good life, everything that I could need. I was CHOSEN. And that's simply where adopted people are made to stop with their feelings. Grateful & Chosen.
Just like that iceberg, there's a lot to adoption that isn't seen or even talked about. If you know me personally, you know that I am a VERY thankful and positive person. It took counseling and years before I could talk about this side of it without feeling guilty. No matter how you look at it, I was abandoned. Given up on. Not wanted. When this all started making sense I was afraid to bring it up. How could I feel that way if I knew that my adoptive family picked me?! Well, it is a legit feeling. It is the truth...the painful truth. For a child or young adult, that feeling is hard. And I can tell you from experience, that feeling sticks around for a long time...if not forever. No matter how fabulous your adoptive family may be, that is real. And it is ok to feel that way.
As humans, it is natural that we desire to be loved, needed, wanted, and secure, but all too often we find these feelings in circumstantial things...instead of the one constant: God.
If I only rely on the way others have made me feel to get my worth, I'm doing it all wrong. I could try until the cows come home to gain worth by the circumstances of my life or my adoption story, but I would forever fail. I am so thankful that I anchor my faith and identity in Christ and not in people.
Life for my biological mother was a mess. Life was an iceberg for even her. God knew the depths that we could not see, and above everything, He had a perfect plan for me. He wanted me. He chose me.
Ephesians 3:17-19 New Living Translation (NLT)
17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are talking to your adopted child about adoption, please remember to think about the other side of adoption. Work on building a strong foundation of who your child is in God. Dig deeper into the word and teach them what God thinks of them.
Anchoring your faith and your worth in something way bigger than mankind is so vital to a successful conversation about adoption. People fail, people make mistakes. People also change, learn, and grow. But the one and only thing that remains strong is God.
He loves you.
He wants you.
He chose you.
He calls you His own.
My foster mom, Rosie.
My biological mother, Susie.
My Biological father, Butch.
My family, including my mom & dad, and brother & his family.
I am thankful for every person and every emotion that this blog involves. Redemption is a sweet thing.
