My weakness. My biggest fear.

February 19th 1997. That is my biggest weakness. Also known as death. On this day, 15 years ago I became terrified of death or loss. This day started a mud slide of fear and horrible emotion for me. Being 14 years old and living through the loss of 7 people that I cared about in only 3 months time. At the age of 14, that is a lot to comprehend...and who really comprehends death anyway?
Babysitting was my life at that age. To be honest, my dad (at the time...and I am proud to say he is a very changed man. I am very VERY proud of who he is now. I do not talk about it very often on this blog, out of respect for my parents...) But, my dad was an alcoholic. I covered my pain and fear of that situation by babysitting. A lot. I could take responsibility for a child, protect them and control a safe environment for them, without worrying about my current situation. The Raburn and Parks families became my "safe place." Austin, Justin- twins, & Caroline and Annie made me light up. I would beam with joy when I heard the boys call me "Jekka" :)
On February 19th, I found myself in the hospital waiting room. I could hear the screams of Janet as they pronounced Justin dead. ---Truth- I broke down just typing that word.

Let's see if I can finish this. Janet's car washed off the road in the heavy rain and high water. She was able to get Austin out of the car, but Justin washed away.

I am thankful for my time with the Raburn family. I have wonderful memories with them. Today, I celebrate sweet Justin Aaron. What a precious, happy little boy. Can't wait to see him again. God, please cover this family in your loving peace. I know that they hate this day. I do too. God bless you, John, Janet, Austin & Shaela.