No sleep.

I am getting really tired of NO SLEEP. It is a good thing and a bad thing all in one, I guess. I get quiet time...Just me and God... Ok ok ok. Jeremiah snoring, and talking in his sleep, Princess and Daisy in our bed. Not exactly quiet, but I take what I can get with 4 kids and Jeremiah!!!
In all of the mess of Jeremiah being laid off, ITP, cancer and so on, I keep seeing how blessed we are. I am also reminded of my vow to my husband. I promised to love him in sickness and in health. Let me be the first to tell you how thankful I am for Jeremiah. He has been so wonderful through all of this. He has cried with me, been angry with me, and reminded me to rely on God. I can not, will not, and do not want to even imagine doing this without him. I have been through cancer without a supportive husband, and it is not easy. I am so thankful and blessed.
This morning, I made myself get out of bed and go to church. I have been so tired and wiped out, and really wanted to stay in bed! My kids have been asking for the past 3 days "do we have church yet?" I guess it is because I didn't go to Church last week. To be honest, I was angry with God. I was in "why me" mode. I am still working through things, and it will take some time. Please know that I am NOT turning away from God!! There is a process of working one's way through tough times. I keep pleading with God. I need for my kids to have one healthy parent. I need for my kids to have understanding that we will always be there.
I said before that I would have good days and bad, well today was hard. I had a person come to me and ask/say a very heartless comment. I was hurt and bothered. I thought to myself- why the heck did I get out of bed?! Marty's message was really good. I needed to hear it. I was sitting in my seat on the front row, and a lady came to me and gave me a hug. She whispered I love you in my ear. Then handed me a check. I was blown away. I don't even know this lady very well, and just met her a week or so ago. I don't know if she will ever know how blessed I was. I am not talking about the amount of money. It was the "I love you" that got me. Through her, God reminded me that his love for me is bigger than anything. It is bigger than my fears, bigger than my pain, bigger than my frustration, bigger than anything...and most of all, His love is bigger than cancer. He is going to love me through this tough time, even if I have "why me" moments. I needed that reminder. Jeremiah's dad says "Quit telling God how big your problems are, and start telling your problems how BIG your God is." So today, I am thankful, and I am very blessed.