I've been thinking a lot about things to come. Newness.
2 weeks ago I had a very bad blood infection. There is no explanation as to how that makes you feel... Let's put it this way, I am pretty tough and have a high pain tolerance, but I was not able to get out of bed for 5 days. I ended up in the emergency room with an idiot for a doctor. 3 IV tries later I had a good IV and antibiotics.
Today, I had radiation, an Nplate injection and steroid treatment. I was off of radiation and treatment for a week after that blood infection. I forgot how the treatments make me feel. I am asked all the time- "How does radiation make you feel?" WAY better than chemo, but still pretty bad. Weak, tired, hurting, rubber, floppy... Going up the stairs to my bedroom becomes climbing a mountain. (sometimes crawling up a mountain) Picking up Jesse Ava becomes heavy weight lifting. I am pretty good at putting a smile on and expressing that I am going to be alright. Truth be told, some days are very hard.
My goal from day one of my cancer battle has been to set an example of faith and strength for my family. The night that I went in to the hospital Jaela had a very hard time. She was in tears all the way to the hospital and all evening until she finally fell asleep. It broke my heart. Every time Joelle prays she says "thank you for making mommy feel better." I have four little precious spectators in my cancer journey. My hope is that when they are faced with tough times, they will remember that God is the God of their tomorrows. He will walk you through tomorrow, just like He got you through yesterday and today.
Psalm 71:14
But I will hope continually, and will yet praise You more and more.
I am super thankful that God is the God of my tomorrows.
I am thankful for newness. I should have 3 more months of radiation and treatment, and then I will be checked every 3 months and so on. I can't wait for that fresh start.
